Memories that I hold dear
break the calm that so many fear.
From the inside reaching out
I have the urge to shout
but I stay calm
and allow the turbulence to grow
just beneath the surface of thin glass.
What I can’t show.
Listening to the piano keys
there is a hole in my heart
blood tainting my soul
making it red like your tears
and in the end…
my world is nothing but different shades of red
Words passing through countless lips
and yet none reach you,
then how do you know them so well?
Rip out my heart and hand it to you…
one mistake and you kill me.
Running from you…
Die to live
tomorrow fades away
reborn with my tomorrow today.
My life is full of todays where I await my fading tomorrows
leaving behind a trail of yesterdays
becoming nothing but memories like tomorrow.
Looking into the rain
Lips that whisper gently in the wind
When will your words caress my skin
Falling into the sky
When they meet
Is it just a dream
Is it just a fantasy.
My wings are clipped
All I want is to see your smile
Fly with no wings
to touch you
You are happiness
You are my light
Soon the cage door will swing open
Soon the chains holding me down will shatter
Soon I will be able to look into your eyes and say “I Love You”
If I can not write my heart for you
I will color it with shades of red and grey
in this you will hold my soul
which is an unselfish art
For it has been lighted with the beauty of your heart
That of which, every time I see it upon your face.
I want to capture it with a brush that is not yet fit with such grace
I long for the day that I can let you free
For such a smile I will do anything to see
Beauty that steals the heart and sings to the soul
let the mind echo:
Life is funny and beautiful at the same time
the essence of roses, a bittersweet symphony
white roses are especially bitter
slowly melting into painful bitterness on the tongue
the mind flows in a garden
where the feathers of a golden phoenix
become the brightest serene light
which emits warmth only to the heart
the metamorphosis of light
in a garden
on a mountain
where monsters are human
and the fireflies never die
I no longer look at the borders
restrictions which are
no longer there
my version blurs their sharp details
lines that are as thin as hair
some didn’t even know they’re there and most don’t really
One color is no longer distinguishable
from the other
different shades yet the same
they all melt together
all blur together
in my eyes for eternity
A feeling that comes from deep within
painful to smile
from a heart that isn’t there
pointless to think
with a mind that isn’t there.
And I find myself crying to my words
and watching you laugh
I can’t help but cry
and you can’t but laugh when I cry
let me cry for you until you can no longer smile.
Smile of a broken child.
Laughter of a cracked mind.
Mend the glass and you can no longer see yourself.
Emotions on Paper
There are many emotions that I want to seep into my pen
through my fingertips
let it bleed them onto paper.
I see black blood on the white piece of paper.
It’s as if the emotions are mold growing on it.
I want the pen to live.
I want the paper to be purified.
My words are meant to confuse you
there is no other way to put all aspects of emotions on paper.
Try to understand something even I can’t.
The pen lives
and the paper dies.
Such beauty that I see
I know that it will never be
for the cruelty that is
distorts my dreams.
feeling the gentle breeze
dreaming of what might be
such beauty that I see.
No matter how hard I wish it to be
I know that it will never become reality.
True beauty… is there such a thing?
Perception clouds my vision…
the limitations of the mind are endless
the same amount of possibilities exist
for every barrier there exists a possibility
Beauty is life.
Beauty is death.
Beauty exists everywhere
because it is always in my soul
and I will forever see it
wherever I go.
When the lights go off
lead me to dead ends
too many names
but only one
has lost it all
only one that ever touches my lips
did your lips
ever touch mine this way
was I kissing my reflection
was it a lie
turn the lights on and I’m faced with someone else
I don’t understand
If I cry
If I scream
Will you hear me
when I turn the lights on
Peace is a desire
forgotten by chaos
Yet only creates it anew
Forgiving and acceptance
must replace arrogance
thus the desire to learn
will rekindle and
its flame will burn the festering
emotions that give power
to laziness hate and lies
The time of rebirth has come
It has been too long
since the last time
these wings have tasted
the sweet ecstasy
of the passing breeze
Too long since the soul has
meditated in black and white
The beautiful reflection of life
The unspoken beauty
makes one practice
as if it were a religion
one wishes to only
go deep into themselves
violate the emptiness
and create it anew
to forget the body
To accomplish something
that the traditional practices
don’t allow but
attempt to accomplish
Then pen will bleed once more
on the virgin paper
The brush will caress it
Darker shades will stain it
Colorless stones will dance
on a floor made of
Celebrating the beginning
of a new war
A war in which there is
no man or woman
pen or paper
existence or emptiness
chaos or order
Where there will
never be heard
the cries of humans
She tip toes above me
Silent laughter draws her near
Loud thoughts she does not fear
His pacing in-tune with the wind
His words I can not mend
Long legs grasping for a hold
Movements growing ever more bold
Legs of fur
Her presence draws me to him
The future seems so dim
Gift of joy
The creak of narrow stairs
Doorway to hell partially ajar
Sounds of flesh on flesh
Panting and angry words cutting silence
Stomach churning with anger
Fear clenching throats
Comforting children in humiliation
Refusing to cower but doing nothing
Defiant in our profane purity
Hiding in plain sight ever since
Cutting away at the psyche
Bleeding grey overcompensation
Until nothing is left
I hope you die in your own shit
I hope I get to watch as life
Slowly leeches from you your humanity
Becoming the monster that you are
I hope I can watch your limbs twist and writhe
Bones cracking and muscle tearing
Your body finally matching your true nature
In its ugliness
In its primitiveness
In its vileness
But first I want to see it in your eyes
Despised creature and all of your ilk
Always lurking deep
There is an anger
Then there is the Other
The one that feeds
She revels in it
Anger and pain
From within and without
From those around us
My Demon is patient
My resolve is silent
I lean on Her in crises
We are impenetrable
Stifling Her over the years
She is maturity’s curved blade
Perhaps it’s loneliness
Giving desires a face
Perhaps it’s therapy
Our coping mechanism
Ah, slip of the tongue
I think I’m regressing
Creature made of smokeless fire
eyes of liquid jade
stalks the human mind
awakening decrepit souls within
heart of man aroused
enticing tongues of shayateen
lap at their feet
arresting wisps of amaar
penetrate their dreams
Creature made of mud
eyes dead as stone
fire of passion
captivates eyes of jinn
former rulers embracing
Iblis of iron will
we created man from sounding clay
of altered black smooth mud
and the jinn We created aforetime
from the smokeless flame of jahanam
what is your reason
for not being among the prostrators?
outcast and cursed afreet
I shall indeed adorn the path of error
for mankind on earth
and I shall mislead them all
Statue of flesh and blood
Heart of glass
Shelter for the raven
Oppressive fog denied entry
Cracks on the statue’s surface
as it ever so slightly reaches for the raven
Curious obsidian beauty
reflected in its bright half-lidded eyes
Courageous little deaths
Shuddering feathers and chipped skin
Glass heart pure
Bright darkness engulfing the raven
Wisps of fog seep in
Chilling feather tips
Fog the raven must return to
Man with the heart of glass
Looking forlorn as she fades into the dark
Black door, black clothes.
Black eyes, black hair.
This depression you condemn me for.
You caused it.
Sitting here just hoping I don’t become either of you.
But I am..
I am slipping slowly but surely.
She no longer writes, no longer draws, no longer smiles.
He is the same.
The fucking same.
Good memories and bad.
How the fuck am I supposed to feel about him?
Tired of talking about the trauma.
Tired of feeling the emptiness.
Tired of running from your law.
Tired of being plagued by your voice in my mind.
So much anger that I don’t know how to express.
I love you but I fucking hate you both.
Fuck your god. Fuck your tradition. Fuck you.
You said that I write to mock you.
No, but now I do..and this one is just for you.
Tell me what’s more important?
Saving face or saving a daughter from darkness?
Keeping with tradition or trying to be a better person?
Being a victim or a survivor?
And To think that guilt almost made me become a slave to you.
Sand dunes roam my mind
hawks screech their presence
goosebumps from the sky
sand caught in my eyes
lost in my mind
from the haze, an oasis
deep within murky waters
my eyes stare back up at me
not me but of me
embrace this creature and ride the waves
time flows like a river
but is shaped like a double helix
sore so sore
torn so torn
but where are we in the end
death god death
life gods life
lies lies lies lies lies lies lies
written in the sand
covering the scared earth beneath
being the wind is such a curse
angel of jin
oppression of history
pigeon caught in clotheslines
lamb blood flooding the balcony
duck pinned down by its wings
moral delimma as I kill to live
fear of looking beneath the sand
the victim finally accepting their role
tumbling, fumbling and crashing along the way
..but then I awake from deep slumber
heart pounding, jin’s presence still lingering
wondering who I am and where I am
languidly traveling along the helix
disappointed in what I remember
“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!”
Born an underdog
with a collar of
Choiboys nailed tight
against that tiny
Eyes dilated wide
as the full moon
the scream silent
Sweet and bitter
Like the mist I feel your presence
only at dawn
The mystery of the Nile is only
matched by the accents of your voice
Your smile is the strumming of bass strings
in my thoughts
Carrying me through life’s